Warning Signs and Your Triggers
Anger can be a good sign to help people know that there is something that should be resolved or corrected
somewhere, somehow. It's usually motivated by something that was brought about by an action that is quite
uncomfortable.
Anger, if properly managed, can help right a possible wrong. It could also help solve a problem and even find
a reasonable solution. However, anger is also a double-edged sword. If used in a negative manner, it can destroy
people, relationships or even your own health.
Usually, there are warning signs prior to anger escalating to an uncontrollable level. It is helpful to be
aware of these triggers as it could help you respond and regain command of this very powerful emotion.
- How tense are you
Usual signs of pre-explosive anger are tense muscles. Observe how you feel in your neck.
Are the muscles in your neck taut? If so, prepare to relax and get hold of yourself. Inhaling and exhaling
slowly helps relax those tensions.
- Teeth gritting increases tension
Usually while gritting your teeth, the jaws become tight. How often do you do this?
If regularly, force yourself to relax. Anger cannot be quenched by more anger.
Slowly but surely, try to acknowledge the feeling until you think you could let it go without much
fanfare or unnecessary drama.
- When angry, the face becomes flushed
This is easily noticed as the blood circulates more than normal, brought about by the intense emotion.
If this happens, again try to relax and keep your cool. Imagine how much energy you could save by responding
in a non-traditional manner. Put your effort into being productive and logical.
- When angry, hands are clenched
In movies, men who are about to punch someone first clench their fists and then deliver the blow.
This emotional process works the same way in real life. When anger comes to the forefront of vulnerable emotion,
the whole body actually becomes tight. And it is the hand that displays the most obvious expression of it.
- When angry, the voice becomes loud
Intentionally or not, raising of the voice is one of the more common ways to know one is angry.
The opposite of this is cold stony silence. Both are meant to intimidate and both can escalate a situation.
Stay in Control
When you are really angry, calm yourself down. But if you have crossed the threshold and it is a bit too late
to turn back, deep breathing can help to relax your body. Just as children are advised to count to ten
when angry, this method actually works with adults. If counting to ten does not work, try counting to twenty.
Talking to yourself also helps. Convince yourself to be calm and consider the consequences of your actions?
These positive talks can help take the focus from the anger-inducing event and place it on solving the actual
problem.
Commit to Change and Manage Anger
The following is advice to help you be comfortable with your anger, and better able to express it in
a manner that is not hurtful towards others or yourself.
Know why you're angry
To manage anger, you must have a clear idea as to the situations that trigger it in the first place.
Identify any attitudes that you have which predispose you to unpleasant reactions.
Are you upset when service takes too long or when a mistake is made on a bill?
Do you vent? Do you rave? Do you feel you want to punch someone or at least scream at them?
If you realize that these triggers set you off, you have at least made that significant first step of becoming
aware of your feelings and your reactions. This will make it a lot easier to deal with things when they erupt.
Past is past, let it go
Most of us carry a number of conditioned responses and go through life using those to deal with each blow
that comes our way. Usually, these responses were those left over from childhood.
Remember when you were crying and your parents told you it
is bad to be angry? So you kept it all inside you until you grew up. As an adult, this then gets manifested
as denial and fear of truly expressing what you feel.
Being aware of such past conditioned behavior actually frees you from its clutches. By bringing the feelings
to the fore of your attention, you can deal with them and eventually remove them as impediments
to personal growth.
Suppressed anger is unhealthy and if not appropriately handled could lead to unnecessarily flare-ups later.
Respond, not react
You alone have the ultimate choice on how to respond to a situation.
There are various ways to express your anger besides throwing a tantrum, throwing a chair, or hailing invectives.
Responding to our own feelings towards an anger-provoking situation helps expose buried emotions
that you may have concealed from yourself. Observe how self-anger could lead to feeling depressed or anxious.
Manage your own reaction to situations, without burying with alcohol, drugs or other addictive habits.
Forgive and try to forget
It's not easy to forget a deed that may have caused a lot of anger inside you. If there are any wounds from
an emotionally charged relationship or interaction that are weighing you down, then why are you still carrying them?
There is a natural reaction to mope.
Anger is a difficult emotion to deal with especially if you are exerting the effort to not deal with it.
Acknowledging you are angry and finding positive ways to deal with your feelings are the steps to letting it go.
NEXT: Relaxation to Counteract Anger
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